Selfish love is mainly rooted in desire, lust, and ultimately seeks the good, betterment, and comfort of self over and above others. Selfish love leads people to pursue their own fulfillment, regardless of the pain it may cause in others. Extramarital affairs, pre-marital sex, abortion, illicit drug and alcohol usage, manipulation and control, and the love of money (etc.) all have aspects of selfish love. Selfish love is cheap.

We love because He first loved us. Love is the fruit of the spirit, Jesus is the source of agape love, God’s sacrificial love which comes in and through us as we abide. Sacrificial love seeks the good, comfort and betterment of others over and above self. Christ is the ultimate example of sacrificial love, and we can identify Christlike behavior in others by this trait. Sacrificial love expresses itself no matter the social-standing, appearance, or ability of the receiver to boost the giver’s life in any way. Unlike selfish love, it is willing to experience pain, and loss on behalf of another. Sacrificial love can cost everything.

A prideful individual sees themselves as central to their and other’s decisions, and their importance above that of others.

A humble individual keeps others and God’s word as central to worldview and decision making.
A humble God-fearer, will put God at the center of their lives and decisions, valuing others above themselves as they live in utter dependence on God and His mercy.

A tormented individual is subjected to demonic influence of death, fear, destruction, and loss through open-doors in their lives brought about by the sin of others or themselves.

A peaceful individual is subjected to the Prince of Peace, Jesus, and by following His commands, can achieve a peaceful life, and quickly return to a place of peace even in the midst of great external turmoil.

Sometimes people allow the pain and hurts of life to plant like seeds deep in their hearts and spirits. They then feed those seeds through meditating on the hurts, and water them through protecting the memories and experiences as treasures that will allow them never to be hurt again. The plant that grows is bitterness and it can change the taste of every future experience they have and the way others experience them.

However, merciful individuals remove the seeds of pain and hurt from their hearts through the dedicated practice of forgiveness. They prevent these seeds from forming roots, and they work diligently with the Holy Spirit to remove any roots that have already formed. Merciful people are not in denial, they just allow life to happen and choose to let go, whatever it takes, in order to bravely face the future with hope and love, instead of fear and hate. They live in continual awareness of God’s mercy and those who are forgiven much, love much.

We are all wounded. Life includes trauma, pain, and damage that wears on our souls. Some experiences cut to the core, and leave us maimed. Some people choose to reframe the life by this wounding, and identify with the wounding, letting it not just be something that happened to them, but something they are. Unhealed traumas leave them open to demonic influences.

Healed people actively seek healing as a lifestyle unto wholeness. Healed individuals allow the power of God working through the Holy Spirit, because of Christ’s sacrifice to intersect at the root of their traumas. Healed individuals allow past woundedness to be and become external from their identities, ultimately glorifying God. They allow God to use it for their ultimate good. Healed individuals come back stronger, by continuing to allow the redemptive power of God to flow through them, and eventually see other people healed through their prayers, testimonies, and examples.

Religious people focus on form over function. Religion is based in the law, a form of godliness, denying the power of godliness to transform and bring life. They practice their faith based on external works. They judge their spiritual success based on how well they are performing. They embrace an orphan mindset, striving and attempting to earn God’s love and favor, leading to exhaustion and emptiness.

Relational people embrace the good news of the happy gospel of grace, focusing their spiritual walk on relationship with God. They fulfill biblical standards out of love and friendship because they are becoming more like Christ everyday. In the spirit of sonship, they recognize their position as heirs of God and co-heirs of Jesus and know that fulfilling those standards is all by grace and through the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

The law defines holiness, and demands rigorous adherence to a set of rules in order to be defined as holy oneself. Holiness allows eternal relationship with God, who is Holy. In our own strength, the law is impossible to fulfill. The law kills but the spirit is life.

Grace was God’s answer to humanity’s inability to become defined as holy because of their failure to perfectly adhere to His laws. Grace made a way by the blood of Jesus for people to come into relationship with God. Grace is received only by faith in Jesus and never by works. They live in innocence, back to original intent, cleansed by the blood of Jesus.

A victim mindset interprets self as helpless. They see themselves as on the defensive against life and people, which are most likely both out to use, abuse, and never choose them. They often feel overcome and overwhelmed, with no way out, and no one who really understands. A victim mentality is a breeding ground for the enemy’s lies.

An overcomer’s mindset sees themselves as helped by God. They see themselves as on the offensive against the Kingdom of Darkness and on God’s team in the Kingdom of Light. Struggle is unto strength, sickness is to be healed, brokenness is to be redeemed, suffering is unto life, and pain and loss as God’s battleground for recompense and “double for your trouble!”

Hopeless people rely on their own strength and get stuck in their pain, and through fear, choose to believe that the future will only hold more pain and sorrow. They project their past into the future, in an attempt to lessen the future pain from hypothetical negative experiences by exercising some form of control over it… I knew this would happen…

Hope-filled people believe God is so powerful that He can defy death. Their hope is not based in optimism, but in God’s character, nature and faithfulness. Even if they face death, God will overcome it. The worst pain cannot separate them from the greatest pleasure, the love of God. Circumstances are projected to get better and better, because God is a healer with a heart to provide His children with abundant life and that nobody would be eternally separated from Him.

Individuals can experience depression for different reasons, most of which are rooted in hopelessness. A mind habitually set toward death and grief can become sick with these emotions and eventually have trouble releasing them and returning to a healthy place of hope and joy. Though grief and sadness most of the time begin as natural emotions, a mind stuck in grief and hopelessness even when negative circumstances end, is depressed. At times, some of the stickiness is because a spiritual door has been opened (often through real trauma) to demonic spirits or grief of depression and will need to be renounced and expelled.

Joy-filled individuals allow the Holy Spirit to provide them with the freedom He promises, even in the midst of trying times. Joy-filled individuals healthily express grief and sadness, knowing suffering with Jesus produces joy. They are emotionally whole. When tears are allowed, eventually laughter becomes loud. Joy-filled people source their overflowing hearts in the knowledge of the love God has for them. They let this love impact the way they see every part of themselves, their lives, and the way they see and love others. Joy-filled people invite everyone to the party of God’s love, no matter the day, or season, or year. In peace or war, they know their loved, and they are filled with joy. Joy is a person, the person of Jesus, the fruit of the spirit. Joy is a sign we are living in oneness with our joy-filled God.

Fearful people listen to the voice of the spirit of fear and allow it to color the lens with which they see their pasts, presents and futures. The spirit of fear lies about circumstances, and poses only terrifying conclusions. Fearful people imagine the worst, expect things to get darker, believe people think bad things about them, and plan to only get sicker, sadder and angrier. Since change is necessarily going to bring negative consequences, it is seen as a bad thing. Because of this mindset, fearful people tend towards isolation, control, and anger in a demonically inspired attempt to protect themselves. We empower the spirit of fear through agreement, having faith in the wrong kingdom. The battlefield is in the mind.

Courageous people put God at the center of their thought life resulting in love as the fruit of the spirit. As they experience God’s love, fear is cast out. They choose to let the Holy Spirit plant thoughts of being greatly loved and hope for a brighter future deep in their souls. This makes them bold in making decisions. Change is something that can make life wider, and brighter and lovelier, so they allow God to change them and change their lives. Courageous people inspire others to trust God as they are. They start revolutions of love. They break into the darkest alleys bringing hope, and they paint the future of their lives and others around them with colors of the beauty of a Creator who makes mountains and oceans, and new life everyday. They see God rightly, allowing the fear of the Lord to grip their hearts with awe and reverence, totally eclipsing and casting out the defeated spirit of fear.

Condemned people are living under the law, and because we all violate the law, are all rightfully able to be condemned by the law but for grace.

Innocent people accept the payment of Christ’s blood for the condemnation they deserve, and become through His sacrifice, innocent. They walk in the revelation of the truth of the happy gospel of grace, believing is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Self-focus places oneself as central to life and is rooted in pride, opening them to the schemes of the enemy. It can encourage us to hone in on the bad or good traits we have. The enemy will at times use one or the other, or both.

Kingdom-focused people are dependent on God and see God’s plan for the redemption of the world as central to life. Kingdom-focused individuals see themselves as integral pieces that God wants to use within the family of His body to help accomplish His ultimate plans.

Impulsive individuals are led by emotions, and act quickly without thinking or allowing the Holy Spirit to guide their decision making.

Self-control individuals allow the Holy Spirit fruit of self-control to grow in their lives through abiding and submitting to God in their decision making. They can say no. They can say yes. They are not led solely by emotions or external pressures. They are Spirit-led.

Stingy people frame their existence with lack, living from an orphan mindset. They expect to not have enough, so they grab whatever they do have with great fear of lack. They see their own needs as central, and other’s needs as less important. They can have countless possessions, or nothing. Stinginess and generosity are not rooted in possessions, they are character qualities.

Generous Christians know God provides abundantly for His children (sonship) and know God love’s hilarious generosity. They give cheerfully, with thankful hearts, knowing all they have that is good is from God and know their generosity with time, money and resources. They draw fulfillment knowing their lifestyle of generosity glorifies God and inspires others to give thanks to God. They give to receive, becoming a channel of God’s blessing to flow through them to others. They trust Him no matter the state of their existing possessions. They can share and give freely and have a lot of joy because of it! (There are many generous people who don’t have a relationship with Christ who we can learn from).

Prayerless people do not engage in conversation with God. They see prayer as a duty.

Prayerful people engage in conversation with God. They will talk to God about their lives, make requests to Him, and express thankfulness to Him. They see prayer as an awesome privilege, listening to what God is saying to them. Their lives are marked by connection with the Holy Spirit and live in awe of the power of prayer.

Easily offended people have a bias to get their feelings hurt, and choose to believe the worst possible interpretation of the meaning of events and words spoken to them. Offense signals the presence of pride.

Gracious people are “grace filled”, showing divine grace, freely they have received, freely they give. They extend space around negative interpretations and allow the chance of misunderstanding on their end. Even when they know people try to hurt them, they have a strong bias towards mercy and forgive so quickly that they can keep their joy even when people are trying to steal it! They’re super powerful individuals who walk in humility.

Impatient people don’t like waiting. They get irritable, anxious or restless, or even angry in the midst of delay, suffering or trials.

Patient people breathe as they wait and recognize that God might be in the delay, or know how to pray against delay if it's not him, but keep their joy either way! They experience patience, a fruit of the spirit, as the result of abiding in the Holy Spirit, allowing them to find true rest.

Unforgiving people take the offenses from their lives and hold them very tightly, thinking they will shield themselves from future hurts. Instead, these offenses become dangerous, and diseased burdens as roots of bitterness take hold, with the potential of wreaking havoc on people's futures and relationships.

Forgiving people give the offenses from their lives to God, and go to God to forgive them from the offenses they have committed against Him. They understand that they are forgiven to the extent they extend forgiveness to others. They have light hearts, and deep love. They give second chances (actually 70 x 7), value people over problems and can learn to create healthy boundaries. With God’s help, they restore broken relationships, and are the first to say sorry. When they forgive, they truly let go and fully heal from the trauma imposed on them. They win!

Control attempts to manipulate outcomes to one’s preferred desire.

Surrender freely allows God and others to choose outcomes, whether or not it is what you desire. Surrendering is a daily process which results in great freedom. There are layers to our will as we progressively surrender to God.

Unsatisfied people are unhappy with what they have. It is not enough, not right, and not good enough.

Content people are grateful people. They are grateful for what they have and know God is the source of every blessing in their life. Even though they may dream of a change, they can enjoy right where they are in the moment they are in.

Lukewarm Christians dabble in life with Christ. They do not like to be uncomfortable. If a part of Christian discipleship makes them uncomfortable, they’ll avoid it. If a part of worldly living makes them comfortable, they’ll do it. They have hard hearts to God, and weak wills towards sin. Their lives are often small, nervous, and half-hearted, because they know enough of the truth to know they are not living right.

Passionate Christians live each day like Jesus could come back at any minute, which makes them happy and excited, because Jesus is their best friend. They are vibrant in loving God, themselves, and others, and will quickly give up anything, including their comfort for their best, beautiful friend. Their lives are an inspiring, alive, and exciting love-affair with God. They are Jesus' hands, feet and voice on the earth.

Disconnected people have a lot of walls around their hearts which prevent relationship with God and people.

Connected individuals allow intimacy with God and people to mark every aspect of their existence.

Self-reliant people trust themselves above anyone else. They think they have to watch their own backs in life, because no one else will. They often live with a lot of stress and anxiety, because they’re not trusting God to take care of them.

God-dependent people trust God above anyone else, including themselves. They know God’s got their back and can relax in life, knowing He’s taking care of all their needs!

Those who believe that knowledge is God worship the intellect, and praise information and data as the most powerful source in the universe.

Those who know God as Father, worship Him as the most powerful source in the universe and weigh all worldly knowledge and information they acquire against His word, and ways.

Individuals who know of Jesus have a level of intelligence of the person of Jesus’s life, works and teachings. They may be able to communicate about Him in a way that leads others to believe they themselves are followers of Christ.

Those who know Jesus as a friend have had personal encounters with the person of Christ. They may have continued interactions with him and develop a deep and meaningful relationship with Him.

Those who choose Jesus as Lord take the information they have and any encounters or existing friendship with Christ and choose to submit to His total lordship in their lives, at which point they become a Christian.

Someone rarely in the word is unfamiliar with the Bible and reads the Bible only at Church or on holidays.

A lover of the Word is immersed in the Bible daily, learns from reputable Bible teachers, and can call to mind foundational biblical truth in real-world scenarios.

A hearer of the word knows God’s standards for internal and external behavior, but chooses not to act accordingly. Faith without works is dead. These works are not religious but an expression of their faith. For example, someone who continues to engage in gossip, sleeping around, drinking too much, and so on, or, someone who willingly refuses to forgive or do something God has asked them to do, is a hearer of the Word, but not a doer.

A doer of the Word seeks to obey God through their actions and thoughts. They are quick to respond to correction, embrace growth, and willingly pursue a closer walk with God. Faith expresses itself through love.

Someone who is inconsistent has moments of closeness with the Father when it is convenient. They read the Bible, occasionally. Pray, sometimes. Are morally strong, when it suits them.

Someone who abides is continually connected to the Father. They are in it for the long haul. Out of love, they refuse to allow anything to come in between them and the Lord. They live in constant awareness of God in a lifestyle of worship, glorifying God.

Arrogance reveals itself in having an exaggerated sense of your importance or abilities, showing contempt for others, haughtiness, and conceit.

Meekness equals a gentle, humble attitude. Someone who is patient, long-suffering, and forbearing, is meek. They leave healthy margins in their life. Strength under control.

Someone who is afraid of men is focused on pleasing others, making a “good impression,” and taking care of their public image.

Someone who fears the Lord is more concerned with what God thinks than the world. They will not care how they look to the world, as long as they are pleasing God.

Someone who suffers poorly doubts God when trouble comes. Under pressure, they lose self-control, become rude, mean, bitter, and unforgiving. They may seek vengeance, become insecure, or seek out harmful self-comforting methods like alcohol or drugs in isolation and are prone to self pity and victim mindsets.

Someone who suffers well chooses to trust God even in the storm. They display the fruits of the Spirit under pressure. They trust God to vindicate them, heal them, and comfort them. They grieve healthily, within the community, and welcome counselors into their life. They know suffering prepares us for an eternal weight of glory.

Weak untested faith is “young.” You do not know how you will react when the storms come because you have not yet faced a storm with Jesus.

Bold tested faith has weathered many a storm with Jesus. You know He is trustworthy, because you have watched Him be faithful time and time again.

A rebellious person thinks they know better than everyone else and desires to resist authority or control. When correction is given, it is shrugged off.

A submitted person is open to correction, desires to follow instruction, and understands that boundaries are healthy and in place for their protection.

A stubborn person is determined not to change their attitude or behavior even in the face of logical, good reasons to do so.

A teachable person is open to learning new ways of doing things or thinking in order to improve the quality of their life and the lives of others.

An anxious person experiences worry, nervousness, and fear when faced with uncertainty.

Someone at rest has laid down their worries and fear, believing that God will always work things out for their good and His glory.

An entitled person thinks they deserve special treatment or privileges.

A grateful person knows that everything is a gift from God and does not take their blessings for granted.

A guarded person is closed and uncomfortable with vulnerability. They do not show their emotions and are careful to disclose anything personal.

A vulnerable person is open about their story. They are not ashamed of their flaws and are not afraid to share their journey with others.

Concealing one’s true character or feelings.

Honest about one’s true feelings, thoughts, and character.

Feelings of lack, not measuring up, flawed, low-self-esteem or self-confidence, fearfulness.

Feelings of abundant provision regardless of the circumstances, confidence in Jesus, self-esteem rooted in knowing one is a child of God, fearless.

Feelings of inadequacy, not deserving of respect or attention.

Feelings of healthy self-esteem in light of Christ’s death and resurrection, knowing God has a plan and purpose for one’s life.

Not having enough or being without. Lack can be felt internally (lacking certain qualities) or externally (fear of not having enough, lacking things, relationships, opportunities, etc.)

More than enough, plenty, having a large quantity. Abundance can be felt internally (an abundance of joy, freedom, hope, etc.) or externally (thankful for what we have, a “half-glass full” mentality) despite circumstances.

Dismissed, not chosen.

Chosen, favored, regarded with approval.

Very tired. Self reliant. Striving. Feelings of being drained of internal or external resources.

Refreshed, relaxed, recovered. Feelings of having regained strength, health, and energy. Rest comes from a place of deep trust in God.

A self reliant person relies on their own resources instead of asking others for help. They depend on themselves to meet their needs.

A God reliant person relies on God’s power and resources. They trust that God is sufficient to meet their needs.

An independent person is separate from others and “self-governing.” They do not depend on others for strength.

A person dependent on God is connected to “the Vine.” They seek God’s wisdom daily, trust in His Word, and depend on Him for strength.

A perfectionist only accepts “perfection.” Often, a perfectionist will choose not to complete a task (or even try) in order to avoid creating something that does not meet their perfect standard.

A person committed to excellence values quality, knowing that perfection in this life is next to impossible. They will do their best to attain an extremely good standard knowing that it is better to try than do nothing.

Uninterested, unenthusiastic, unconcerned.

Strong feelings, fervent, ardent, intense.

A personal follower of Jesus Christ, one who diligently studies the Word, seeks character transformation, and learns from strong believers who are further along on the journey.

A mentor to those younger in the faith. A disciple maker teaches, encourages, corrects, exhorts, and leads by example with the goal of helping others become mature followers of Jesus.

Someone with an orphan mentality does not know his identity, feels that they have no one who cherishes them, no sense of belonging, sees God as a punisher, fearful, insecure, not good enough or unworthy, unlovable, and lacks a family to depend on.

Someone who knows they are a son or daughter of God has a secure identity, feels God’s love, acceptance and comfort, and feels the support of being a member of God’s family, the Church.

Someone who is focused on their own needs is not thinking about others. They are wounded, insecure, and their first thought is to relieve their pain by any means necessary.

A servant hearted person is focused on helping others. They are healed and whole enough to put others' needs first and are not concerned about their own needs, knowing they are cared for by the Father. *Being servant hearted does not mean that one is a people pleaser. People pleasing can be a form of getting your own needs met, as you are serving others out of a desire to make an impression or create a specific outcome.